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Destiel ficlet - Knowing

Title: Knowing
Author:  Fireness
Rating: PG
Genre and/or Pairing:  Angst, one-sided Dean/Cas
Spoilers: 7.03
Warnings: Angst, Slash
Word Count: 328
Summary: Dean knows what people think.

Dean knows what people think.

By “people,” of course, he means Bobby and Sammy.  Because they’re the only people who matter in the end, aren’t they?

Whatever.

He knows they think he was oblivious.  That he didn’t see the way Cas looked at him, admired him, would do anything for him.  They think the only way Dean could have possibly treated Cas the way he did was if he didn’t know.

Well, they’re wrong.  He knew.  He knew and he ignored it.  He shouldn’t have, he realizes.  He was a complete asshole about the whole thing, but what the fuck else was he supposed to do?

They don’t know what it’s like, okay?

They don’t know how it feels to be the object of an Angel’s affections.

How it feels to cause an Angel to Fall.

To have that sort of responsibility on his shoulders on top of the Apocalypse and Sammy and everything.

So, yeah, maybe he ignored it.  Because what would have been the alternative?  If he had acknowledged…that...well, he might have just broken down completely.  And what use would he be then?  Even less than he was.  So he went on the defensive; called Cas a baby to deflect the idea that he was starting to maybe, just maybe, feel the same way in return.

‘Cause no way in Hell was that ever an option.  He had already pushed Cas out of his Angelhood.  And, yeah, Angels were dicks, but Cas was a different sort of Angel.  Dean could see how much he missed his Grace when it left him.  It hurt deep down to know he was the cause of all that.  There was no chance he was going to add sodomy to the list of ways he had defiled Castiel.

Still…as Dean pulls the overcoat from the water, he wonders how things might have turned out differently if he had just given Cas the chance to say “I love you” at least once.



Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
ubikono
Oct. 30th, 2011 12:57 am (UTC)
I enjoyed reading this. There's so much more to Dean than what he shows. This makes so much sense! No way can anyone be that oblivious when they were trained at a young age to read a person's actions.

fireness
Oct. 30th, 2011 01:52 am (UTC)
Right?? I mean Dean can be stupid sometimes but even he isn't that oblivious. Plus there's the whole homophobia aspect but I didn't get into that because it didn't fit with the story. But it's still something that must be considered.
ubikono
Oct. 30th, 2011 02:47 am (UTC)
Seriously!! I think Dean has put on this act for so long that he can no longer differentiate what he pretends or what he really feels.

Homophobia plays a large part. Dean's still trying to uphold to John's ideals or at least be like his father so much. Dean never changes his ideals it's stagnant.
cmkildare
Oct. 30th, 2011 02:42 pm (UTC)
Oh that is heart breaking! What a sad and poignant piece, well done!! :)
fireness
Oct. 30th, 2011 04:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much. :)
cmkildare
Oct. 30th, 2011 05:07 pm (UTC)
You're welcome! :)
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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