fireness (fireness) wrote,
fireness
fireness

Destiel ficlet - Knowing

Title: Knowing
Author:  Fireness
Rating: PG
Genre and/or Pairing:  Angst, one-sided Dean/Cas
Spoilers: 7.03
Warnings: Angst, Slash
Word Count: 328
Summary: Dean knows what people think.

Dean knows what people think.

By “people,” of course, he means Bobby and Sammy.  Because they’re the only people who matter in the end, aren’t they?

Whatever.

He knows they think he was oblivious.  That he didn’t see the way Cas looked at him, admired him, would do anything for him.  They think the only way Dean could have possibly treated Cas the way he did was if he didn’t know.

Well, they’re wrong.  He knew.  He knew and he ignored it.  He shouldn’t have, he realizes.  He was a complete asshole about the whole thing, but what the fuck else was he supposed to do?

They don’t know what it’s like, okay?

They don’t know how it feels to be the object of an Angel’s affections.

How it feels to cause an Angel to Fall.

To have that sort of responsibility on his shoulders on top of the Apocalypse and Sammy and everything.

So, yeah, maybe he ignored it.  Because what would have been the alternative?  If he had acknowledged…that...well, he might have just broken down completely.  And what use would he be then?  Even less than he was.  So he went on the defensive; called Cas a baby to deflect the idea that he was starting to maybe, just maybe, feel the same way in return.

‘Cause no way in Hell was that ever an option.  He had already pushed Cas out of his Angelhood.  And, yeah, Angels were dicks, but Cas was a different sort of Angel.  Dean could see how much he missed his Grace when it left him.  It hurt deep down to know he was the cause of all that.  There was no chance he was going to add sodomy to the list of ways he had defiled Castiel.

Still…as Dean pulls the overcoat from the water, he wonders how things might have turned out differently if he had just given Cas the chance to say “I love you” at least once.



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